“The characters are so integral to each other… it’s like a proper marriage.” – Jimmy asks Martin about Sherlock (youtube: Jamie and Jimmy’s Friday Night Feast S06E02 | Martin Freeman, Fish and Chips, Eggs Royale)
“Sherlock, when you – when you jumped off St Barts, it – I was – I –” John clears his throat, stops.
Sherlock stares at him, wide-eyed, and then opens his mouth; he wants to stop whatever is making John struggle to speak. His heart is pounding, and he feels dizzy.
“No,” John chokes out, holding up a finger. “No.”
Sherlock shuts his mouth. Stares at John’s hands, his fingers.
“I was –” John stops; growls low in his throat. “Fuck. Fuck this. I was in love with you.” Each word sounds wrenched between his teeth.
Sherlock can’t stop himself looking up; their eyes meet. It is the most painfully intimate thing Sherlock has ever experienced.
John takes a breath. His voice is stronger now. “Since then – since then, things’ve gone wrong,” he says bleakly. “So wrong I don’t know how to fix them.”
Was. Sherlock stares at him, still. Something’s broken, an atmosphere of tension like the hours before a storm. Broken better.
“‘Was’,” says Sherlock, slowly. “You were.”
John looks at him, eyes bleak. “You – when you came back, you treated me – it – like a joke.”
Sherlock shakes his head. “I – didn’t know what else –” Words are betraying him, now; failing to come. He shakes his head again. “Now?” he croaks, at last, past a lump in his throat that physically hurts.
John stares at him for a long, careful moment. “Now I’ve got to do – better,” he says, finally. “It’s hard for me – this stuff. But I can do better. Than I have.” He takes a breath, and when he speaks it’s a dying fall, a forced gasp. “If you –”
“Yes,” Sherlock says, without hesitation. And then he has no idea what else to say.
Green Violin Bow 